Every now and then, there’s a blog post that should have never been written. This is one of those posts.

In honor of the Gianni Ca$h of ¡MAYDAY! and the upcoming classic Future Vintage, we compiled a list of the ten greatest mustaches of all time. Those who pull off the stache in an original, iconic and game-changing way have been honored in this post. Of course some were left out (somewhere, the Pringles dude is pissed off), but we couldn’t fit everybody.

Let us know who you think we left out in the comments section below!

Friedrich Nietzsche

According to Nietzsche: “God is dead.” According to us, Nietzsche’s mustache is forever.

Hulk Hogan

Whether or not he’s a racist and whether or not he had some derogatory things to say about The Rock, you can’t deny Hulk Hogan’s handlebar, giving blonde dudes the courage to grow out their facial hair.

Clark Gable

This is Clark Gable. He doesn’t give a damn, and neither does his mustache. An example of a well-groomed pencil stache, this is a style that can either make you look suave or someone that you don’t want to let near your children. Clark was pimpin’ on the regular, so we know what category to put him in.

Tom Selleck

When you think of the 1980s a few things come to mind: terrible music, Ronald Reagan, and Tom Selleck’s mustache. It’s one of the most iconic lip rugs of all time, and has even earned him the title Godfather Of The Mustache.

Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin gets the nod for the toothbrush mustache because a) he was the first one to popularize it in the states and b) fuck Hitler. The fact that this was ever a popular style of facial hair is one of those things that makes you wonder.

Frank Zappa

Musical genius and social commentator Frank Zappa had no limits when it came to his art, a philosophy he carried over to his facial hair. A thick moustache combined with a fully-realized soul patch resulted in an iconic look that hipsters rock the world entire.

Theodore Roosevelt

He doesn’t get huge marks for stache originality, but he was the president of the United States, and that fact alone makes his mustache all the more noteworthy. While presidents before always strived to look clean cut and “presidential”, Teddy rocked a mustache to fit his man’s man persona.

Fu Manchu

The only fictional character to earn a place on this list, Fu Manchu forever holds a place in the Mustache Hall Of Fame (MHOF). The evil genius knew two things: how to bend the world to his will and how to grow two gross looking tendrils from his lip.

Salvador Dali

This surrealist artist rocked a mustache that was just as bizarre as his paintings. For a man that once said “I don’t take drugs, I am drugs,” this style is very fitting.

Rollie Fingers

We end it on a mustache that reminds us of the great Gianni Stache. Rollie Fingers was a legendary pitcher with an even more legendary nose neighbor, which he continues to rock until this day.

• Who did we miss?

Let us know in the comments section below.

CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER

FUTURE VINTAGE ON iTUNES